I'm kicking ass!

(Warning, I'm writing as I think and I am not making any corrections or proofreading before I hit the submit button)

At 46 with Lupus, I feel I'm kicking ass. Especially today. I'm putting my foot down and starting to practice the word, "NO."

Why is it that NO is one of the easiest words to spell, yet it is so difficult to say? I have always taught my kids to say no to drugs, strangers, alcohol, bad words, and so on, and so on, but I can't practice what I have preached. I seem to always be the giver, the sucker to drive situations, people, and issues around, and have never really experienced being driven. I for once want to be driven around. I want to be able to sit back and enjoy the show. I suppose I am the only one who can make this happen.

So today I decided that I was no longer going to be the giver. I am no longer going to be taken advantage of. And I am now going to start thinking about ME first. My dad always told me, and still does, to practice being selfish. I never knew what he really meant. I thought he wanted me to be this spoiled and non-caring person. That's not what he meant. After all these years, I can understand what he has always been trying to tell me. He wants me to take care of me before taking care of them. I will do that. I will practice saying to people that need me, "Let me think about it before I give you an answer." Or I can say, "I need to get back to you after I check my calendar."

I am worth more than I thought. I shouldn't be measured by the favors I have done, but by the way I treat myself. That's it.

By the way, this vegan thing is really working for my lovely friend Lupus. I now am back to running 3 miles a day, doing lunges and squats, and kicking butt with crunches. I haven't craved dairy at all. It's quite nice. The only thing I am still lacking is strength. Opening a jar of something is a bit difficult. I might have gained a couple of pounds too.

With this said, and my youngest child almost out the door to attend college, I will overload myself with the things that bring me joy. I will be filling my glass with school, photography, meditation, and exercise. I only live once. Joy!


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